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“I thought it was my fault” Marissa Carter on suffering three miscarriages

Marissa Carter Picture: Miki Barlok

Marissa Carter has said that she thinks it’s important that we acknowledge miscarriages more so that women don’t feel so alone.

She welcomed the idea of sympathy cards for the tragic time, which have recently been introduced by the British Miscarriage Association.

They include messages such as ‘I Wish This Wasn’t Happening To You’ and ‘There’s No Good Card For This But I’m Sorry For Your Loss.’

“I just think this is a really good step in the right direction towards being more open as a society to discussing miscarriage and women being able to talk about it and dare I say maybe even tell people they’re pregnant before the 12 weeks, before that ‘safe’ period ends,” she revealed.

Marissa Carter
Marissa Carter

“Most miscarriages happen before the 12 week period, that’s why you’re told not to tell anyone… So the miscarriage can happen in secret,” the Cocoa Brown CEO explained.

“I speak from personal experience, so I’ve had 3 miscarriages, one was at 6 weeks, one was at 9 weeks, one was at 13 weeks. For two of those miscarriages I hadn’t told anyone and I was lying to my friends about why I was so upset, making up excuses as to why I was off work and just going through grief and loss and that feeling of am I ever going to become a mother.”

She explained that people’s comments on the fact that it was early on, hurt her feelings.

“You hear people say things like at least you were only 6, or 9, weeks at least you weren’t five months, and then it happened and that really cut me. Because actually as soon as I saw those two blue lines on the pregnancy test, that’s when I started planning where the crib would go, planning where I was going to put the changing table, thinking of names, will it be a boy or a girl. That’s when I felt I was going to be a mother.”

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With this in mind, she is encouraging people to talk about it and acknowledged that miscarriage at any stage is very difficult.

“I would love for our society to take away that feeling of you cant tell anyone you’re pregnant,” she told Cutting Egde.

“When I miscarried at 13 weeks, we had already told people we were pregnant and loads of friends never ever mentioned it to me, and that made me feel paranoid that maybe my worst fear, that it was my fault I miscarried,” she emotionally revealed.

“Maybe my friends think I’m working too much. You think, ‘are they not saying it to me because they think it to? Any sort of judgement you feel is magnified by the silence.”

Marissa now has two children with her husband Ronan.

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