Comedians Hannah Berner and Des Bishop tied the knot in a relaxed beach ceremony back in May, and now Hannah is opening up about the newlyweds’ relationship-specifically their age gap, with Des being 46 years old and Hannah being 30 years old.
Believing their different ages to be a part of why their relationship works so well, the Summer House star refers to her new husband as a Zaddy, “an attractive older man who is fashionable or charismatic.”
In an article she wrote for Elle, Hannah revealed that they met during the pandemic, and she was immediately impressed with his maturity compared to some of the other guys she had been seeing.
As she wrote, “I had always dated guys in their 20s or early 30s. They usually had three other roommates crammed into a tiny New York City apartment, wanted to black out every weekend, and didn’t have the faintest idea what they actually wanted to do with their lives.”
“Oh, and they still wore clothes that their mom bought for them from TJ Maxx. For the most part, these men, boys were funny, good-looking, and served as nice fodder for my Instagram feed, but I never felt like they were husband material. They were projects that had potential, but I was bored of fixer-uppers.”
But that all changed when she met Des. They actually connected online, both following each other on social media, and were actually both fans of one another, beforehand.
She wrote, “I had actually seen him perform at the Comedy Cellar six years earlier and thought he was very handsome: tall, with great cheekbones, thick silver hair, and a sexy low voice. Unfortunately, he lived in Ireland at the time, so I figured it would never work out between us (and therefore didn’t try to talk to him after the show).”
“A couple of years later, when I got into the comedy scene myself, he started following me on Instagram. I followed him back, but we never spoke, mainly due to the distance. Turns out, when the pandemic hit, he had moved back to New York.”
Des reached out to Hannah, asking her out, and the New Yorker was immediately impressed with how straightforward he was.
Saying, “That was it; no games. It was refreshing! He was 45, which is 10 years older than any guy I had ever been romantic with up until that point.”
“He picked me up for our date in a black BMW convertible, and I remember immediately feeling calm with him. When we sat down, it was clear that he was interested. He asked me all about my tennis career and how long I’d been doing comedy.”
“I found out that he lived in China for two years and first learned how to do standup in Mandarin. He’d been to therapy. He loved his career. He’d also been sober since age 19, and I found that super attractive. No drunken fights? Staying in on the weekend and eating good food while watching cult documentaries instead? Sign me up!”
“I discovered we were both from New York City, loved #sports, and had the same silly and dark sense of humour.”
The pair hit off immediately, and after their whirlwind romance, got engaged after six months together.
Hannah stressed how different their connection was, saying, “I really respected his brain; he gave me great life advice, and I felt like I could really be vulnerable with him. We were emotionally intimate in a way that I had never been intimate with a guy before.”
But it wasn’t all smooth sailing. While her friends and family approved of the relationship and loved Des, some took issue with it.
As she explained, “Things got complicated when he visited me for three days while I was shooting Summer House. Some other cast members weren’t kind about the relationship; they called him old and made fun of his grey hair behind his back.”
But Hannah didn’t let the negativity interfere with their relationship.
Explaining, “When I finally posted a photo of us on social media, there was a ton of positivity, but also the occasional “is that your dad?” comment. Overall, I didn’t care what people thought, because it was all low-hanging fruit. I was 29 and he was 45, and it just felt right.”
But while the reality star knows that their age gap has worked well for them, it won’t for everybody and offered fans some advice about how dangerous the dynamic can be.
Writing, “There are some red flags to consider if you are looking for a zaddy of your own. Mainly, it’s of crucial importance that there isn’t an imbalance of power. If they make a lot more money than you, or if they act like they always know better than you, that can be problematic. You never want your partner to feel like they have control over you.”
“You want to feel like equal partners navigating life together. You also want to make sure that you have a lot in common besides physical attraction. If you want to talk about The Kardashians and he just wants to talk about NPR, that could get old really quickly.”