Liam Payne’s passing came as a shock to the world. The 31-year-old died after falling from his hotel balcony in Argentina.
Now fans have flocked to the Buenos Aires hotel to lay flowers, light candles and pay their respects.
Images of Liam’s father arriving at the hotel circulated social media over the weekend as he spent time in the place his son spent his last days on Earth.
When I read the news of his passing, I didn’t believe it. I thought it was a hoax. A misreported story because there was no way that a 31-year-old was dead. Like most women in their 20s I was a huge One Direction fan growing up. I spent every Saturday night watching them perform on The X Factor.
When they got to the quarter-final, the semi-final and, of course, the final, I spent those nights in my friend’s house who lived in the North. This meant that we could spend our pocket money voting for the band.
Every Christmas I got a One Direction CD in my stocking. And when Zayn left the band, I took the day off college and wallowed in despair. That was the level of unhappiness I thought that I would get from the band, at least for a few decades. I didn’t expect to see a member had passed away so soon.
I’ve seen women crying on social media, I spent a day on and off in tears just mourning a man I have never met. However, chartered psychologist Dr Mark Rackley assures me that these emotions are perfectly normal and valid.
“The grief that this generation of women are feeling is real and valid. They had a close bond with Liam Payne, followed his life and were emotionally invested and bonded with him. They cared about him as someone that they saw as part of their life and through his music, he ‘spoke’ to them,” he explains.
“Remember, these women had this relationship with Liam for years and some would have grown up with him. They would have gone through major life changes and developments with him as part of that. The fact that he was only 31 is shocking and traumatic as he was so young and we don’t think that we will lose people we care about early on in life.”
We’ve heard the term “parasocial relationships” before, the close connections fans have with celebrities, without knowing them. But Mark explains that there is also “parasocial grief”.
“This is grief associated with someone that we don’t have an actual relationship with, it is one-sided and normally involves a celebrity of some sort who is part of our ‘social’ life in that we get to interact with them through the media,” he shares.
“People in the public eye are on our TV, radio, social media feeds, in books, magazines and we can also as in Liam Payne’s case, listen to their music and see them live. We care about celebrities as the relationship that is built with them is an emotionally strong one, we don’t want bad things to happen to them, we want them to be happy and care deeply about their welfare.”
I’ve seen a lot of online…annoyance, for lack of a better word about women being upset about the passing of Liam Payne. Eye rolling at how soft this generation is. Crying over Liam Payne! But this isn’t new.
Fans took to the streets when Elvis died at the age of 42. Newspapers were covered with headlines like, “The King is dead”. And similarly women were absolutely distraught.
My grandmother is obsessed with George Michael and when he died on Christmas Day in 2016 at the age of 53 my family made sure to hide the news from her. Truly it would have ruined Christmas. Don’t worry when we went to visit on St Stephen’s Day, George Michael was blaring over the speakers. She had seen the news and was in a deep state of mourning.
Dr Mark says: “I remember when Princess Diana died, it felt like the whole world was crying. Even though most of the fans of Liam Payne did not personally know him, they had a relationship with him in their own way. Now they are experiencing loss and sadness as they process his untimely and tragic death.
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“You need to allow yourself time and space to acknowledge the loss, feel the sadness and start to heal. Don’t ignore how you are feeling, this is a reaction that you are having to losing someone that you care about.”
As I speak to Dr Mark, I know I have to ask – how do you grieve someone you’ve never met but has made such an impact in your life?
Someone who you had posters of in your room, had merch of their face, had their dolls and of course, all their music. Name a better karaoke song than Best Song Ever!
“The relationship is based on the impact that this person has had on your life, how they made you feel and the memories that you have associated with them.
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“Talking about what this person meant to you, how their presence in your life impacted you and also remembering the memories that you have that make you smile.
“Time can be taken talking about them, listening to their music and also talking to other fans who will understand how you feel.”
The One Direction community is both huge and yet tight-knit. So many people have shared how they met their best friends and even their spouses in One Direction fandom spaces. It still is something that so many people hold close to their hearts.
But perhaps you weren’t a Directioner. Maybe your partner has been crying over this or your child and you don’t know what to say.
Dr Mark suggests: “Please be respectful, don’t judge or invalidate the feelings that this person is experiencing. They will need your support and please be open to listening to them and allowing them to express themselves.
“Don’t shut them down just because you may not get it or feel the same way. This is not about you, it is about them.”
To hear more about grief, you can listen to Dr Mark’s podcast here.
