Things are changing. I am changing. It’s like I’m cracking myself open and discovering a totally new me. Who is she? Who is this one who for her last two waxing sessions has requested a Hollywood? Who is this 49-year-old who suddenly now has decided she hates pubic hair?
I’ve probably always hated pubic hair (does anyone like it? Answers not on a postcard, please) but the difference is: now I’m doing something about it. I’ve also never really had any big feelings towards tattoos but when a pal said recently she wanted to get one, I said, I would too. I also got another piercing – in my ear! Went into Pierced with the teen to get her another one and decided on a whim, I’d get one too. Can’t sleep on my right-hand side yet but I don’t care.
I’m caring less about certain things these days and caring more about things I never cared about before. Like my beauty regime, for example. I care a lot about Jennifer Rock’s Retinol (it increases collagen production), a lot about Trinny London’s The Elevator (good for the neck) and a lot about Pippa’s Universal Glow (need all the glow I can get).
I’ve also taught myself how to do a smoky eye with the help of a beauty tutorial by Hannah Martin (Queen of the smoky eye, according to Vogue). My mum was shocked, “You watched a beauty tutorial? A Hannah Martin beauty tutorial on TikTok?” I did! I even insisted on hauling my Dyson hair straightener and dryer through airport security recently. In my heavy tote bag, I also had a smaller zip tote that held all my drugs… sorry, supplements.
For many of you this might be how you always pack or always live? But this is not the “me” I once knew. I wish it had been me years ago, like I am a little late to the party. Wish I had been getting Hollywoods back when I was proud showing it off. Wish I had learnt how to do a smoky eye when the shadow and liner didn’t get stuck in the wrinkles and sags. A late bloomer, maybe?
Another thing I’ve started doing is wearing a lot of jewellery, like loads. Given that the trend now is to layer necklaces (I spotted Ireland AM’s Muireann O’Connell wearing a lovely 3-piece collection on her Instagram the other day) my necklace situation is not a cause for concern. But I am counting 10 beaded pieces right now on my right arm and on the other, 10 really noisy Rita Ora Penneys bangles that are banging against the keyboard as I type. Maybe I should take them off? They are annoying.
Something I can’t take off though is the bloody weight. I’m a good stone heavier than I’d like to be but no matter what I do, I can’t shift it. I joined Slimming World and lost a couple of pounds in the first 6 weeks, thought it was the answer to all my woes. But then I got into an argument with the Slimming World weighing scales who was being so stubborn she refused to budge. The only budge she would do was upwards. So, in a snot, I gave up.
Then I gave up on my gym membership, too. I had become so slovenly when in the gym I may as well have been meditating. I think some days I went just to stretch. I’ve decided since that I’m not rejoining until I lose some weight (a handy excuse, I’ll never be back). My sister has started doing the fasting thing and sent me a podcast to listen to. Now I’m giving it a go. Also because the podcast says that fasting is good for menopausal hormones.
And, because English broadcaster Kay Burley who is 63 and looks fab, fasts, as does former UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak. Both fast from Sunday breakfast until Monday, every single week. I’m on day 2. I give myself another week before I give that up too because my superpower seems to be inconsistency, not laser eyes as they say here at home.
I love putting things off, the gym being one, but my NCT and car tax too. Both were way out – I’m not telling you by how long. But, it was panic that eventually forced me to sort it. The panic involved my teens travelling west with their dad to go surfing. I thought they should take my car (it’s a Volvo) as I felt it was sturdier but then I panicked about suggesting that because of the NCT and tax situation so I sorted both, simply because I didn’t want any unnecessary stress in the car – though on reflection it is often me that brings the stress.
Initially the idea of being alone in the house for a weekend while they surfed seemed dreamy. But then I thought about the emptiness and me going to bed on my own with just the loudly snoring dogs – and I panicked about that.
One of the kids now has a cough so the surf trip may be cancelled and if it is I will panic about that then too. Because on the day they are away I am planning to write a book! The book that I am always meaning to write (if I can ever muster the energy). But the one that never gets written (because I can never muster the energy). Laziness? Procrastination? Or exhaustion? I mean, I am exhausted.
For years I was all about going to bed early but I have now decided I don’t want much sleep. My delight then this month when I read about how researchers have just discovered that out of the 26,000 sleepy heads surveyed those who stayed up later scored better on intelligence, reasoning and memory tests. Ha!
My eyes may be tired-sore but sure I can just add another eye-drop step to my beauty regime…