One of the more difficult topics you rarely hear people discuss when referring to their early adult life is outgrowing friends. It doesn’t matter whether these friendships have been growing since primary school or someone you met six months ago at a new job.
When you’re in your 20s you are constantly evolving, changing aspects of your life, growing into the person you want to become and unfortunately, not everyone can grow with you.
When you outgrow a relationship, a romantic partner, there’s usually clear warning signs. Maybe you’re arguing more, not wanting to see each other as much, or simply wanting different things. It’s simple in a way and although breaking up can hurt and can cause extreme heartbreak, it tends to be a relatively easy process as you throw yourself back into the life you’ve dreamed of having.
When a friendship is going through an outgrowing stage, the signs can be slightly more difficult to pick up on and it can also cause a lot more mental turmoil as your friends tend to be the people you rely on most for emotional support. However, like any relationship, friend, family or partner, who you surround yourself with is inevitably going to impact how you behave in your day-to-day life.
Our relationships alter our belief systems, impact what we do with our free time and at times can decrease our ability to grow as an induvial.
This is why it is so important to surround yourself with people who are actively benefiting your life, people that when you leave them after an interaction you feel lighter and not heavier, and why sometimes you have to let people walk out of your life so you can become your fulfilled true authentic self. But how do you truly know if you’ve outgrown your friends and what steps should you take before calling it quits?
Signs the friendship isn’t working anymore
One of the main indicators that you have outgrown a friendship is if you feel you have to act like a past version of yourself when you’re around them. Maybe your friend is not in a place of growth, maybe they’ve grown into a different person than who you first met or maybe you have. Either way, if you feel you are hiding certain parts of your new, evolved self and that you are stuck in old patterns when you are around them it may be a sign that you have grown apart.
As said before, sometimes a way of telling that a friendship isn’t working in your favour anymore is if you feel drained rather than fulfilled after spending time with them. If you have interactions with people who you are supposedly close to who don’t feed your soul and instead take energy away from you it’s a clear sign you’re not meant to be involved with each other anymore. Similar to romantic relationships, if you feel your personality is being dimmed by being in their presence it may have become a negative relationship.
Another major factor that contributes to a strong friendship is having similar interests. One of the key signs to show that you and your friend have changed into different people is if you have little in common anymore and you tend to stick to gossip as your main point of conversation.
There will always be some new form of gossip whether it’s in your personal life or in the media for you and your friend to speak about however, if this is a constant stream of conversation it may be an indicator that your values and interests do not align anymore. Constant gossiping can also contribute to feeling drained after interactions with them and can be a sign that you and your friend don’t share similar morals.
Even if you’re not aware of it, another large contributor to a friendship fizzling out is if you’re subconsciously talking to and seeing them less. You can slowly see this happening over time whether you’re not telling them key aspects of your life, events that are coming up or if you begin to regularly cancel plans. With this, the friendship can become very one-sided and can raise tension between the two of you. It’s always better to speak your feelings instead of blocking them out completely.
How should you resolve the outgrowth process?
It can be difficult to navigate the exact way to resolve a problem such as outgrowing a friend, especially one you’ve had a long-term relationship with. It can be hurtful for both sides. It also depends on the severity of why the friendship is growing apart. However, it is always best to air your thoughts when you have a connection with someone instead of bottling up your feelings. If you keep all of your thoughts in, smaller issues can become large conflicts.
It’s incredibly unfortunate and upsetting to lose someone who you were once close to however, if you’re feeling that this friendship is not benefiting your life anymore the best course of action is to speak your feelings to your friend, hear them out for what they have to say and come to a conclusion together whether that’s to work on your friendship, or to call it quits.
The most important factor of a friendship is that you and them feel that you can be your authentic selves when you’re around each other, whatever that may look like.