Warsan Shire said, “My alone feels good. I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.”
It can be difficult sitting on your own, fully on your own with no distractions. No TV, no music, no phone. There are many reasons that contribute to the fear of loneliness. Maybe you grew up in a busy household and you’re not used to a space to yourself. Maybe you have trauma which is scary to sit with.
Maybe you have fallen out of love with yourself and are craving validation from others. Whatever the reason may be, it is important to be able to sit with yourself, know yourself and love yourself. Here are a few tips to find comfort in being alone.
Comparison is the thief of joy – Take a step back from technology
Living with constant access to technology, TV and social media our minds have been warped into constantly comparing our lives to others. Having instant access to the details and intricacies of others’ lives is not natural and we have suffered the consequences of comparison because of it. Whether you’re insecure about your body, your home, your financial situation or even how you spend your day-to-day, without knowing it digesting others’ lives is slowly making you unhappy with your own and making you want to change aspects of your life.
This constant access to social media and the comparison that comes with it is having larger effects on society. A recent study carried out by BMC Psychology showed that the constant use of social media is leading to loneliness. The reason for this is by being online constantly people are beginning to lose in-person social skills which inevitably will cause a loss of social networks and result in feelings of loneliness and isolation.
With this comparison, you may feel like you should be out socialising with friends every weekend, that you should be in a relationship or going on a city break every few weeks. This is feeding into your fear of being alone, seeing everyone else be surrounded by people. But is it normal to never be alone? Does that mean you’re avoiding a larger issue?
By removing yourself or even taking a step back from social media you will be able to form original thoughts, decide for yourself what you want to do with your life, and what you enjoy and won’t be influenced by every other person on the internet.
Keep your hands busy – Pick up a new hobby
It might seem self-explanatory however, picking up a new hobby is a great way to not only keep yourself busy but also spend your time bettering yourself in a new way. Activities like solo hiking, crocheting, painting, running, picking up an instrument or reading will help the time in your day fly by.
Putting this time into working on yourself and finding a purpose in life will help fight your fears of loneliness and will also improve your overall well-being. A recent study carried out by Washington University showed that people who have a hobby are given a sense of purpose in life and are more likely to fight feelings of loneliness as they find comfort from within not from others.
Put time into YOU – Love yourself from within
There are many different steps you can take to help find comfort in being alone however, the only that will have long-term impacts is to get to know yourself on a deeper level. You will have to learn to love yourself inside out to not need the distraction of other’s company.
A great way to start this process is by writing down your thoughts and feelings.
Journaling the details of your day, your feelings or troubles will allow you to understand yourself on a deeper level and will show you why you’re feeling the way you are. It will allow you to understand why you use socialisation as a coping mechanism and why you seek comfort in others rather than in yourself.
The real work to finding comfort in being alone is the work you put into yourself. Taking time to get to know yourself can be a fearful challenge. Mindful activities such as meditation, yoga and getting out in nature will allow you to clear your mind and find the root problem of why you’re afraid to be alone with yourself.
When you begin feeling more comfortable with your own company, a great way to practise self-love is by bringing yourself on a solo date. If you like going to the cinema, trying new restaurants or getting coffee and going for a walk there is no need to wait for a friend to do these things with. By taking yourself out on these dates you’re showing yourself that you love yourself and that being alone is better than being in an unsatisfactory company